megolomaniac

Today’s guest blogger is my friend Anne (names have been changed to protect the innocent).  She sent me an absolutely hilarious email the other day with a story from work, so I asked her to tell it to the world, as it were.  If you have ever worked for someone you GREATLY dislike (like we have), then you will probably understand why she and I laughed so hard at this.

Ladies and Gentleman, I give you… Anne.

I work for a small engineering company employing around 40 people. Our CEO is a tall, swarthy European man with a thick accent. He is aggressive and short tempered. My co-workers euphemistically refer to him as “direct” and frequently talk about how “refreshing” it is to be dealt with in such a straightforward manner. I suspect these coworkers have daddy complexes, because I do not find it refreshing to witness my colleagues being berated.

Recently, our CEO was giving a presentation at our all staff meeting when someone asked him a question which prompted him to go looking in “my recent documents.” His computer screen was being projected, and so I could not help but notice that his list of recent documents included several unmistakably pornographic document titles. One was a jpeg file called “cum tits.”

The meeting went on for almost two hours after this and I appeared to be the only person who noticed.  I am pretty sure I turned bright red.  I was struggling to hold it together.

After the meeting, I googled “cum tits” and “aerospace” to see if it is some kind of industry lingo and got no hits. Then again, that would not have explained “pussy party.”

Once, when I was applying for a job in college, the team of people interviewing me asked what my organizational style was. At the time, I didn’t realize they were looking for a general overview and not a detailed description of my obsession with lists and my excel spreadsheet nerdery. Needless to say, I got the job, but was labeled “the color-coding girl” before I even started.

My current job, which I just officially started 3 weeks ago, is the first one I’ve ever had where I couldn’t really make effective lists and spreadsheets to get things done. In all my past jobs, if my boss gave me a project, it might have been something like “Build a House.” Then I could make lists of all the different steps that went into building a house:

• Lay foundation
• Build First Floor
• Build Second Floor
• Wire for electricity
• Check that plumbing works
• Double-check that plumbing works
• Paint interior
• Tile bathrooms
• Tile kitchens
• Lay hardwood flooring
• Install doors and fixtures
• Triple-check that plumbing works

And voila!  I’m ready to start moving down the list, checking things off as I complete them, and then reporting back to the boss with the final product.*

At my new job, it’s more like the boss says, “Move your stuff into the new house.”

I could theoretically make a list…

• Pack stuff up
• Move stuff into truck
• Move stuff out of truck
• Unpack stuff in new house

But that’s about it… I could break it down into rooms… But that wouldn’t actually help me at all, because you pretty much think of all your stuff as a whole instead of breaking it up by rooms.  And the worst part is that I might only get to check one thing off each day… if I check any off at all.  Some days I might not even complete one whole task.  Which is pretty much the exact OPPOSITE of the purpose of lists.  (In fact, sometimes when I make lists of things I need to do on a Sunday, I’ll put “wake up,” “eat breakfast,” and sometimes even “shower” on the list, just so I can cross them off.  Not because I’ll forget, but so I’ll feel like I accomplished something, even if that’ s as far as I get before collapsing on the couch and watching 30 Rock on DV-R all day.)

So here I am, with four things on my to-do list, with an end date of, say, November 30.  But how do I pace myself without milestones and deadlines along the way?  Because I’m pretty sure I know how this is going to end… It’s the same reason I knew I could never write a thesis.  I would end up the day before the thing was due, with next to nothing done (and a whole lot of wasted enthusiasm), realizing I spent WAY too much time over the past few weeks reading Dooce or looking at other people’s wedding photos on Facebook.

Has anyone else ever encountered this problem?  If so, how do you stay organized and on-task?  Are there any special office supplies or color-coding systems involved?  Have you ever used my blog to procrastinate?  (If so, I’m flattered.)

*Please note: I have no idea how to build a house.  I’m assuming this was apparent, but I thought I should call it out anyway so I didn’t get comments immediately yelling at me because I did things in the wrong order.  This house wouldn’t have even made the cut for the stupid youngest brother of the Three Little Pigs.

It seems counter intuitive, but it’s easier to blog when there aren’t any big things going on in your life. At least that’s been true for me. When life is normal, I can write about the new Kelly Clarkson album or the person I saw walking their electric scooter through the line at Starbucks the other day. Recently, however, there have been so many changes and big events in my life that blogging has been near impossible.

Work has been really tough, which means it’s on my mind constantly. And as we all know, the #1 rule of blogging is that you should never write about your job.

I started seeing someone, too. He’s pretty amazing, to be honest. He’s tall and awkward and funny and wonderful. And he even let me take him home to Montana for the 4th of July… Which is impressive in itself. But I always get a little superstitious when it comes to writing about new relationships.

And last but not least, after four wonderful (completely platonic) years together, my roommate Brian and I are getting a divorce. Our lease is up at the end of July, and we both decided that at the ripe old age of 26, we should probably learn what it feels like to live by ourselves. So off I go into the world of 1-bedroom apartments on the East side, with half of my previous furniture. (Seriously, we even decided to split up the coasters).

So as you can see, I’ve been busy. I’m hoping that things will settle down soon, one way or another, but until then, bear with me. I’ll try to make it worth the wait.

Today someone I work closely with was “let go.” This has happened to me before. At my last job, one of my closest coworkers and friends was fired about six months after I started working there. But as with most things, it’s different at a nonprofit.

Of course, all of the regular emotions and issues are in play: Where will she go? What will she do? How will she make ends meet? Particularly in this economy?

But there’s also the question of what our institution just “let go.”

This woman was an integral part of the hospital, the university, and the community that surrounds it. She’d been working there for most of my lifetime, and a significant chunk of hers. There will never be another person who cared as much about the mission, the patients, and the families of the hospital. She was everyone’s go-to gal. If you didn’t know the answer to a question, inevitably someone told you to call her and she had it. She worked harder and longer than the rest of us and never asked for any recognition or attention in return. She cared about her coworkers and always made us laugh. I had talked with her before about why I got involved with The Foundation and she told me about how rewarding her job was. She was the type of person I hoped I would someday be.

Why do they say that they “let someone go?” It’s as if your employer were the only thing holding you up and they just couldn’t do it anymore. What a horrible analogy in this instance. By all means, this woman was the backbone of the place that employed her. Yes, she received a paycheck from them every month, but it was the least they could do in exchange for the glue that held everything together and made the organization what a beautiful thing it was.

Nonprofit organizations are started by people who care more about the mission than they do the paycheck. Many of our employees are like this even now, and that’s after more than 50 years as an establishment. Why is it that when funding is low, the first ones to go are the types of people that started it all?

I don’t have any answers. Just sadness. And the knowledge that things will never be the same.

I haven’t talked about work much recently… Partly because whatever you put on the internet can be read by anyone, and partly because I try not to be a blog-downer.

But today is a little bit different. Today I finally figured out how to put a lot of my frustrations and feelings into words. So I’ve decided to make the following List of Differences Between the Corporate and Nonprofit Worlds (from an employee’s perspective):

In countdown order…

5. You get all those funny holidays off (like Presidents’ Day) that you haven’t “celebrated” since you were in high school. You also get lots of vacation days and people don’t look at you with jealous or angry or disapproving eyes when you put them to good use.

4. Your salary no longer means anything. Your title may be worthless as well. As long as you can pay your bills, consider yourself lucky. Don’t expect things like raises and bonuses – if you get a raise it will be a small percentage and probably won’t add up to much. (Although, of course, you will be thrilled).

3. Regardless of their background, the people you work with will come from the same place you do. They will have similar values and make similar life choices. They may not look like you or want to do the same things on a Saturday night, but when it comes to the things that really matter, they’ll understand you.

2. Working long hours suddenly feels different. It’s still hard. It still isn’t fun. But when you’re working for something that matters to you, it’s not the same as doing something because someone told you to. And even if your superiors don’t recognize your efforts (publicly or privately), you know you did something good for someone. And that can be enough.

1. There will come a time where you are fed up with a situation at work. I don’t mean frustrated – I mean fed up. This is normal in life. If you work in a corporate environment, it’s easy to mentally check out or quit, thinking I don’t need to put up with this. At a nonprofit, however, you might realize that you care more about the organization than you do about your own position. It’s the most baffling thing. Almost any issue I’ve had at work in the last year has ended with me realizing that I love my job and I care about the cause more than I dislike the situation/person/problem. So I’m working to try to make it better.

… A Few New Goals.

1. Be on time for work. Like, 8 o’clock instead of 8:10 or 8:15… (I gave myself this week as a freebie, since getting in the habit of actually waking up when your alarm goes off is twice as hard when you’ve been on vacation for two weeks).

2. Keep a budget! A family friend who’s an accountant sent me a cool template (geek!) for keeping track of monthly expenses and budgeting appropriately. I’m going to color code it. (double geek!)

3. Use reusable coffee mugs instead of paper cups when I go to Starbucks and try REALLY hard to always remember my reusable shopping bags when I go to the grocery store.

4. Load my Starbucks card with a specific amount on the first of every month and treat it as a bill. When it runs out, I’ll have to make my own coffee or tea until the next month.

5. Try to stay positive between 8 and 5, Monday through Friday. It has come to my attention that I bitch to my coworkers all day about the annoyances of my job, and then go home and tell my friends and family how much I love it.

Wish me luck!

I’m copying Blythe, who’s copying Linda’s reflective questionnaire. I’m thinking I’ll do this every year like she does. Any suggestions for questions I should add?

1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?

Wow, pretty much everything relating to my job. Worked for a nonprofit in a full-time position? Planned an auction? Been heartwarmed by the work I’m doing?

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I don’t believe I made any new year’s resolutions this year… So I’m doing pretty damned well. And I will definitely be making some for 2009 (coming soon!).

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

My friend Michelle gave birth to an adorable baby boy named Seamus on Christmas day. He turned a week old yesterday!

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Nobody close to me, thank goodness.

5. What countries did you visit?

Canada and Mexico. Yahoo, North America! (This is a HUGE difference from 2007, when work took me to Taiwan, Spain, France, and Japan in addition to my annual Canada trip for fun).

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?

Boots with the fur. To be purchased on Endless shortly…

7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

November 4th. History was made.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Honestly? Making cranberry sauce for Thanksgiving dinner that actually tasted good. I can now cook one thing!

9. What was your biggest failure?

Probably not paying for all of those parking tickets when I had the chance (and the money)!

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Well, I tend to get sick fairly often, but nothing major. I’ve always been pretty lucky that way…

11. What was the best thing you bought?

My wool coat, I think. Or maybe my first Jubelale.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

The Democrats. Way to get your act together. And in an election year, no less.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

Still President Bush and Vice President Satan.

14. Where did most of your money go?

To pay rent for my awesome apartment. But other than that, lots of it went towards my car.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Am I focusing too much on Barack Obama becoming President of the United States?

16. What song will always remind you of 2008?

Low – Flo Rida and T-Pain, Bleeding Love – Leona Lewis, So What – Pink, Rehab – Amy Winehouse, Viva la Vida – Coldplay, Mercy – Duffy, anything by Katy Perry or Taylor Swift, and the Mamma Mia! soundtrack.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:


a) happier or sadder? 
happier
b) thinner or fatter? thinner, but this last week may have changed that…
c) richer or poorer? poorer

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Hanging out outside when it wasn’t raining. Walking by the river and in Forest Park.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Beating myself up. Being negative.

20. Did you fall in love in 2008?

Nope. Fingers crossed for 2009!

21. What was your favorite TV program?

Ooh! Either 30 Rock or So You Think You Can Dance. Those were the ones I started watching this year. Then there’s always The Daily Show, Scrubs, and Boston Legal.

22. What was the best book you read?

I’ve had a pretty long string of bad books, but I did like Three Cups of Tea and Eat, Pray, Love (I’m embarrassed to admit it). Plus I received quite a few books for Christmas that I’m looking forward to reading!

23. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Paramore.

24. What did you want and get?

Brian to stay in Portland.

25. What did you want and not get?

Talia, Alex, and both Bens to stay in Portland.

26. What was your favorite film of this year?

Hmmm… Probably either Wall-E or The Dark Knight.

27. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I turned 25 and did a pub crawl with my friends on N Mississippi Ave.

28. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

A relationship that worked out.

29. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?

Low-maintenance clothing in solid colors. I’m guessing that every year I complete this survey, this answer will be the same.

30. What kept you sane?

My roommate. As always.

31. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

I’m going to go with Jon Stewart on this one. I am so predictable.

32. What political issue stirred you the most?

Usually I’m pretty fired up about abortion rights, but this year healthcare was front and center.

33. Who did you miss?

My family. I can’t get enough of them.

34. Who was the best new person you met?

I’m going to go with either Michelle or Jess from work. Sami’s a close third, too.

35. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.

I have a hard time enjoying the moment when it comes to relationships because I’m too busy worrying about the future. This is not a good thing. I’m working on it.

36. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

Outside you will find
There is love all around you
It takes you, makes you wanna say

That it’s a beautiful life
And it’s a beautiful world
And it’s a beautiful time
To be here, to be here, to be here

- Beautiful Life, by Fisher

When I started this blog, I really didn’t intend it to include so many political posts, otherwise I would have named it something much more accurate and descriptive. But it turns out that politics are what’s been on my mind for the last few months, so here we are.  Keeping this in mind, I promised myself that my next post would have absolutely nothing to do with Barack Obama.

But that turned out to be pretty tough, since I’ve spent most of my free time in the last few days either watching The Daily Show or volunteering with The Bus Project or Obama’s Campaign for Change.

So here are the non-Obama things that have happened in my life:

1.  The Plastics went to Seattle.  For those of you who have not yet been introduced, The Plastics are a group of girls (comprised of Julie, Kara, Jess, and myself) that used to work at The Company.  We had so much fun together hating that place that we’ve stayed friends.  This last weekend, we went to Seattle.  It was AWESOME.  I don’t think we stopped talking or laughing for 36 hours straight.

2.  Ted Stevens was found guilty. My two favorite things said about Senator Stevens recently were when my mom said, “You know why Alaskans elected Sarah Palin their governor? They’d been dealing with that shyster Ted Stevens for so long that she actually looked good.” And the following quote by Stephen Colbert, “You know what Senator Stevens? If you do end up going to prison, why don’t you try climbing out through the internet. After all, it is just a series of tubes.”

3. Today, I attended the most incredible press conference ever. I don’t even know how much money $100 million is. I’ve been trying to wrap my mind around it all day. Phil and Penny Knight were very gracious and surprisingly didn’t want much personal attention. A rabbi once told me (I’m not making this up. I can’t believe I actually just started a sentence like that) that Jews value philanthropy above almost all other things, but that those who give anonymously are in a class all their own. I’ve thought a lot about this in my current position, and I completely agree – there is a difference in the way I see donors who are very particular about the public praise they receive (and where each penny of their gift goes) and those who are more concerned with the best interests of the institution. The Knights fall in the latter category. They gave their entire gift with just one requirement – that $2 million of it go to the Linda Conant Laboratory Suite, newly named for a personal friend of theirs who lost her battle with breast cancer earlier this year. The other $98 million is to be used however the director of the institute sees fit. Because he, as Mr. Knight told our Development Director, knows better than anyone where it’s needed.
After the incredibly moving speeches by cancer patients past and present (all of whom I know personally through work) and hospital presidents, the entire crowd gave the Knights a standing ovation. Phil and Penny cried through the whole event, and never once made a speech or got on stage. Cupcakes and champagne were served, everyone was given a celebratory button, and then all the foundation employees went back to the office for pizza and more cake, champagne, and applause.

But my favorite part? The president of OHSU wore his best black suit with black Nike shoes.

My coworker Traci and I have been working crazy long hours getting ready for our auction coming up in just over two weeks. And although I whine and complain when I don’t get to take a lunch break and have to stay at work until it’s dark, Traci has been working even longer hours than I have and has been doing the whole thing with horrible back pain. I have no idea how she’s gotten through it for the past few months, but this week she finally found a specialist who understood what she was going through and diagnosed her with two herniated disks. The only problem with that? She has to have surgery. Immediately. Like, next Thursday.

So, she and our boss went into crisis mode and came up with a plan. We’re working out the details, but it’s going to be just fine. All of us are just really glad she’s going to get the surgery she needs and get better.

After decisions were made this afternoon, Traci called and emailed her various volunteers and committee chairs to let them know what was going on. One of them, who we’ll call Joe, was very understanding and said he’d try to take care of things for her. Shortly afterward, he copied Traci on the following email to a vendor they’d been working with:

Hi (Vendor contact’s name):

For planning purposes and not for public consumption from us, Traci is having surgery on her back on Oct 9th and will be out a minimum of two weeks. Probably more. So if you need anything from her for the banquet, you will need to get with her prior to Oct 7th or so.

You might not be aware but Traci travels on the Pacific Northwest Womens Professional Wrestlers tour. She had a particularly tough match about a month ago in Kennewick, WA against Boom Boom Brenda, the Bremerton Bomber. Seems Traci took one too many atomic knee drops and out went her back. Too bad, it was such a promising career.

But I digress, the point is, (in all seriousness) if you need anything from Traci prior to her surgery, please do work with her as I note above.

Thanks.

Joe

I received this email today at my work email address. I definitely do not know this person.

Hi Megan,

Kathy
P.S. Taking metamucil at night is making a good difference!!

Any ideas for how I should respond?