1. I don’t know how I feel.

2. However you feel is the right way for you to feel.

I’ve read and heard so much from people whose emotions range from elation and pride to frustration and sadness – those who are standing just a little bit taller today and those who are mortified by that type of response.  I can see everyone’s point.  I can’t come up with any reason for these people not to feel the way they feel, whatever it may be.  Really moving, strong, emotional moments like this can stir up lots of feelings and we can’t possibly assume they’ll be the same for any two people.

I do know it’s hard for me to celebrate the death of another human being at the hands of my government, although it’s not difficult to rationalize this man’s assassination.  I understand that, after what he had done, our leaders were left with a situation in which there was no simple “right” answer.  I am almost positive that if any number of factors in my life were different, I would have been celebrating in the streets last night instead of monitoring the internet for more information or a good one-liner that might help me describe my emotions.

I’m grateful that (from what I’ve read) no Americans or Pakistani civillians were killed in the firefight.  We’ve lost too many already.

It’s hard for me to understand the meaning of the word “justice” in this situation.  If you define “justice” as the death of the man who has led his followers to kill thousands, then yes.  It’s perfect.  If you define it as somehow making up for the previous deeds done, there is no way.  But if this brings something – closure, peace, a welcome moment of reflection – to those who have lost a loved one, I am glad.

I’m trying to use this as an opportunity to remember times when I’ve been particularly proud of my country, my government, or my fellow citizens.  How I felt in the weeks and months following 9/11, for instance, before I started scoffing at American flag bumper stickers and lapel pins.  Or when Obama was elected in 2008, when I was proud to be part of something historic and meaningful, before I became disillusioned once more.  Or what it was like before the TSA and Koran burnings and ground zero “mosques.”

I’m trying to ride the wave of excitement in an effort to reclaim those feelings and maybe unite with everyone for a moment in our emotions, whatever they are.  ’Cause being proud to be an American feels so damn good.

I am not a regular listener (or viewer) of yours, but a recording of one of your recent shows was brought to my attention this week. On Monday, you responded to a recent monologue by Lawrence O’Donnell and discussed your views on Planned Parenthood. The recording is available here.

Mr. Beck, I do not know you personally. I don’t know what it’s like to deal with the tragedy of losing your mother at a young age, not to mention alcoholism, drug abuse, divorce or spiritual awakening. I can’t imagine what it’s like to raise four children, one of whom suffers from a physical disability. I have never contemplated suicide, and I can’t imagine what depths of sadness and suffering you must have experienced to do so. Perhaps even more than once.

But even though I don’t know what you’ve been through, even though I may not see eye-to-eye with you on political issues, I try to have compassion. I try to pause before passing judgement, taking into account that you are in a different place than I am, making different decisions. And even if I disagree with your opinions, I understand that you must have your own reasons for forming them.

Compassion is part of what makes us human. When people forget how to empathize, good people get hurt. Their life savings is destroyed when the market collapses because people on Wall Street were only thinking of themselves. Their family is separated because their country’s leader believes that some of his people are worth less than others. They receive poor treatment at a hospital when their routine surgery goes awry, because the nurses and care providers are just punching the clock instead of caring for patients.

Considering how outspoken you were about the lack of compassion you encountered at the hospital a few years ago, I was appalled to hear your reaction to Lawrence O’Donnell’s reading of a letter from his friend who has taken advantage of the amazing services offered by Planned Parenthood. I understand that you are pro-life. I understand that you do not want the government to fund Planned Parenthood. I understand that you dislike Mr. O’Donnell. But I cannot understand your inability to put yourself in someone else’s shoes for even one moment.

As Mr. O’Donnell’s friend mentions, women are strongly encouraged to get routine exams annually. These exams not only help care providers identify cancer (cervical, breast, and others) in its early stages – when it is more likely to be curable – they also help identify women who may be sick without knowing it. It is possible for a man or a woman who has only had one sexual partner in his or her whole life to be carrying something unknowingly. Having multiple partners during your lifetime is not unheard of, even among your friends, family and supporters. Even you, Mr. Beck, have had children with more than one woman.

So imagine that you are a woman in a long-term, monogamous relationship who needs annual exams, but you aren’t able to pay for them. Perhaps you are unemployed, like nearly 10% of Americans, and therefore do not have health insurance. Perhaps you are a college student, like myself, with a student insurance plan that does not cover annual exams. Perhaps you are lucky enough to be employed, but cannot afford to purchase health insurance because your rates are much higher due to a pre-existing condition, such as the Cerebral Palsy from which your daughter suffers, Mr. Beck. Imagine, for a moment, that you aren’t able to go to the same hospital the president of GE does, because you can’t afford it. And then imagine Planned Parenthood steps forward and tells you that your health and well-being are their priority, and they will treat you regardless of your ability to pay.

Imagine that you are a woman who suffers from ovarian cysts or migraines that are kept at bay by daily hormones known as “birth control pills.” You do not take the pills to prevent pregnancy, but you must pay $70 per month to fill your prescription. The cost of an annual exam pales in comparison with your monthly prescription refill costs.  And your doctor won’t renew your prescription unless you get an exam every year.

And then imagine that, during your visit to Planned Parenthood for your exam, you learn that they will also provide your medication. All they ask is that you pay what you can. Your health and well-being is important to them.

Now imagine that you are online at work or school or the public library one day, and you find a link to a recorded radio show in which a man you’ve never met calls you a hooker. He says that the only people who depend on Planned Parenthood’s services are prostitutes. He tells you to stop spending money on birth control pills and just use condoms instead. He tells you to stop killing babies. He says that you have internet access, so you should be able to pay for your medical care.

And then imagine, Mr. Beck, that you do a quick internet search and find out that this man has spoken out against the new law passed that prohibits health insurance companies from discriminating on the basis of pre-existing conditions.  That he’s against the public option for people who don’t have the coverage they need.  And then you find a video of that same man a few years ago, talking intimately to a camera about “The real meaning of compassion.”

Just for a moment, try putting aside all of your political messaging and imagine how that might feel.

Only then, Mr. Beck, will you know the real meaning of compassion.

Sincerely,
M

Inspired by Senator Kyl, I came up with some statements of my own…

• Well over 90% of the U.S. Population lives in the state of North Carolina.
• Way more than 90% of U.S. Senators are members of the Tea Party Caucus.
• Well over 90% of travelers get pat-downs at the airport by the TSA.
• Kazakhstan and Libya combine to take up well over 90% of the total land area of the world.
• Well over 90% of Americans think it should be legal to text while driving.
• Justin Bieber drives well over 90% of Twitter traffic.
• Well over 90% of people suffer from lazy eye, bipolar disorder and food allergies.
• Ralph Nader received well over 90% of the popular vote in the 2000 Presidential campaign.
• Well over 90% of the population of Washington D.C. is HIV positive.
• In 2006, Jon Kyl’s Libertarian opponent for U.S. Senate, Richard Mack, received well over 90% of the vote.

Note: None of these were intended to be factual statements.

They are also a good reminder that one law doesn’t speak for everyone.

Wow. I’m not going to lie, National Blog Posting Month was way harder this year than ever before.

As I’ve mentioned before, it’s hardest to maintain a blog when there’s something big going on in your life that you can’t write about for one reason or another. It’s tough, because my blog is basically just a collection of my thoughts and ideas, so when my thoughts are totally consumed with something I can’t discuss, writing is nearly impossible. Normally I just take a temporary hiatus until something bloggable comes along, but I felt driven to complete the post-every-day challenge this month, even though my mind was elsewhere. I can honestly say I’m not proud of the quality of some of my posts, but hell, I did it.

I should have some fun stuff to write about in the near future, so I’ll try my best not to disappear in December like I have in past years. (Although, I will need to take a bit of a break to study for finals).

Until then, I thought I’d leave you with a few quotes from the past couple days that I liked:

“I trust in Portlanders’ sense of fairness; that bad actions by one member of any group does not and should not be generalized or applied more widely to other members of that same group. Otherwise, as part of the biggest racial group in Portland, European-Americans, producing many crimes daily, would be in deep trouble.”

- Portland Mayor Sam Adams, in response to a question about Portland’s Somali community in the wake of the bomb attempt here last weekend.

“We need to learn not to profile one race of people. Because actually, most of the world hates us.”

- Kyle from South Park

I don’t believe I have all the information about the new TSA body scanners, although I have read quite a few articles on the subject in the last few days.  I’m not usually the type of person to worry about things like BPA-free water bottles, high-tension power lines or anything else that might somehow make me sick without my knowledge…  I guess I just figure there are so many things to worry about in this world that we can’t all worry about everything.  (And apparently, I have chosen to worry about spiders and logging trucks).  However, of all government agencies, I think the TSA would be the least likely to be concerned with my personal well-being, especially when sacrificing it could in some way make them feel “safer” or look tougher.

Of the handful of articles and posts I’ve read, this one was the most interesting to me because, although the author notes that he does not specialize in radiation, he is a Ph.D. student who is clearly used to thinking scientifically and doing research the rest of us might not think to do (or even know how to do).  He itemizes every juncture at which the TSA has failed to conduct thorough safety trials or utilize critical thinking.  I highly recommend reading it, even though it’s long.

What this post showed me, assuming it’s all factual, is that there are enough unanswered questions to make me want to opt out of these scanners the next time I fly (if I’m even subjected to them).  Although having a TSA employee pat me down is not an exciting option either, I think there is less potential risk.

It is worth noting, however, that other people who may have been traumatized in some sexual way (which I have not) might find both of these options (the scanner and the pat down) horrifying for different reasons.  I can’t even imagine how difficult that experience would be for them.

In some ways, I also feel bad for the people employed by the TSA who have to perform these scans and searches.  Although I’m sure some of them are just grown-up hall monitors on a power trip, I’m sure lots of them are people who just desperately need a paycheck and wish they weren’t the face of the organization that’s implementing these rules.  These shirts and underwear are kind of funny, but they’re sending the message to the wrong people.  I bet lots of the TSA personnel are even less excited about these new regulations than the people buying those shirts.

The other thing is that you can’t out-think terrorists.  No matter what you do, they will work harder and try crazier things to bypass your systems, if they really want to.  People who want to endanger others MORE than they value their own life and safety are absolutely terrifying for that reason.  I’m not saying that there will be another successful terrorist attack or that there won’t… I’m just saying that this constant search for the terrorist-proof system is fruitless and only stirs up more anger and fear, which is exactly what we don’t need.

As you can see, I haven’t exactly organized my thoughts on the matter, nor am I ever sure I’m getting accurate information, but it’s frustrating to feel this new system has been implemented before proper testing and without concern for the peaceful, innocent individuals it affects.

There’s way too much to say in just one post, of course, so I’ll just talk about prescriptions today, since that’s the most recent offense.  I take a couple different prescription medications every day.  This fact alone doesn’t bother me.  Sometimes, the combined cost of these prescriptions can be a significant chunk of my monthly budget, but everyone is much happier when I’m taking them all, so it’s worth it.  And now…

Mego’s Prescriptions, a Story in 2 Parts

Part I

About a year ago, my doctor changed one of my prescriptions.  She called in the New Drug prescription to my pharmacy.  I went to the counter a few days later to pick it up and they gave me a generic, as they are wont to do.  It cost me about $60 for a month’s worth, which seemed outrageous.  The man at the counter told me my insurance didn’t cover it and that I should take it up with them.

So I did.  I called my insurance company (insurance I got through my job, where I worked for a hospital foundation) and they told me the generic wasn’t covered, but the name brand was.  So, the following month, when I filled the prescription, I specifically requested the name brand.  It cost me $10.

Part II

I’ve been taking Allegra-D for a couple years for my allergies.  In the old days, I would just buy over-the-counter Claritin-D, or even regular Claritin and some Sudafed.  In Oregon, though, it’s now impossible to get Pseudoephedrine over-the-counter.  So my doctor prescribes 24-hour Allegra-D and I get what I need from the pharmacy.  Even with my pretty good insurance through the old job, the Allegra-D was still my most expensive prescription at $40/month.

Now that I’m a student, I have very basic student insurance with no prescription coverage.  This past Saturday I ran out of allergy medicine, so I called the pharmacy for a refill.  I told the pharmacist I had lost my prescription coverage since the last refill, so I’d be paying out of pocket.  He then informed me that I would be paying $166 for 30 pills and asked if I was okay with that.  I told him I’d call him back.

Today, when my doctor’s office opened, I called and left a message with someone explaining the situation and asking for a new allergy prescription that wasn’t as expensive.  Claritin-D, Sudafed plain, whatever works – I just want it to be cheaper.  They called me back this evening and said there were two separate prescriptions waiting for me at the pharmacy for the fexofenadine (the Allegra part) and the Pseudoephedrine (the “-D” part).  Great, right?

I just got back from the pharmacy, where they only had the fexofenadine ready, which came to $267 total.  I said thanks, but no thanks.

This is such a messed up system.

Two weeks ago, President Obama came to Portland to campaign for John Kitzhaber, the Democratic candidate for Governor of the state of Oregon.  Kitzhaber already served as governor for two terms – 1994-2002 – but now he’s back, making him the first three-term governor of Oregon.  Just about an hour ago, it was announced he won an EXTREMELY TIGHT race against Chris Dudley (Republican and former Portland TrailBlazer). So, I am happy to report, Oregon bucked the national trend, electing a Democratic governor and re-electing all congressional incumbents (we have 5 reps and only one is a Republican, plus our two senators are Dems).

Avid readers may remember when I saw the President speak in 2008 at what may have been the largest political rally in history.  This couldn’t hold a candle to that incredible experience, but it was still amazing.

I had volunteered with the Kitzhaber campaign the previous week, so they offered me a special ticket to the rally that would allow me to get in earlier and sit on bleachers instead of standing.  In true Democratic fashion, the person who told me (on the phone) that there was a ticket in my name and the person I from whom I requested said ticket (in person) apparently were operating under two different systems and nobody had any idea what I was talking about.  Half the office said there were tickets, the other half said there weren’t tickets but volunteers could get in line earlier, and no one knew who I’d talked to on the phone.  Either way, they told me, they didn’t have any tickets, so it didn’t matter.  Ah, Democrats.  We are nothing if not disorganized.

Of course there were tickets, but I actually think that I got the better end of the deal.  My friends Julia and Megan came with me and we ended up getting seats right in the middle of the exhibit hall. Although we had to stand (and wait for a really long time), we got to look at the screen and the side of Obama, while all the Kitzhaber people were on risers behind him. We got the better view:

There was lots of talk (online, on the radio, etc.) about how people wouldn’t be allowed in with bags or food or water, so we tried to bring only what was necessary (i.e. not my nice camera)… and then it turned out you could pretty much bring anything as long as it didn’t require a weapons permit. See earlier statement about my political party. Anyway, all this is just to say I took pictures with my little digital camera, so they’re not as great as they could have been.

After waiting for over 3 hours, we got to see him:

Here he is, making a joke about Dudley:

(You can hear, after he mentions the Blazers, the woman next to me yells “He wasn’t even good!” Good thing Danny Ainge wasn’t running against Kitzhaber…)

Obama was fantastic. He said all the right things. He talked about the things he had done and the things he wished he could have done better. He said he was disappointed that more Republicans weren’t willing to even discuss issues, let alone actually compromise. He used the car-in-the-ditch analogy, which sounded so stupid when Tim Kaine said it on The Daily Show, but somehow Obama made it sound like a great analogy/battle cry. The Republicans spent years driving our car into the ditch, then they spent the last two years standing around, examining their fingernails while the Democrats slowly pushed the car out of the mud. Now that the car’s back up on the road and ready to get moving, they want the keys back. Then he said the best thing: “Have you ever noticed when you want a car to go forward, you put it in ‘D?’ And ‘R’ makes it go backwards?”

This reminded me of something Tom Brokaw said last night – he talked about how the current economic situation is what people were citing as the reason they voted Republican, when in reality, the economy took a dive during Bush’s administration. He said, “There’s a sort of ‘national amnesia’ every election year.”

As much as I loved seeing Obama speak again and as much as it gave me hope that good things can happen… I can’t help feeling defeated today as the emails from Planned Parenthood, The Human Rights Campaign and MoveOn.org come trickling in saying how dismal the situation is. I heard a Republican congressman on NPR today saying this means the Republicans have two years to prove themselves. I think the Democrats have two years to collect their statistics and work on their PR for the next campaign. It baffles me that they can’t find a way to get through to people and explain that paying a little more in taxes now will keep you from paying astronomical health care bills later, or that the economy is on a 1-2 year delay, so we’re currently reaping the benefits of a GWB presidency. How about all the examples of Democratic presidents creating surpluses so the Republican presidents can put us back in debt? You can’t say you want smaller government and less taxes and expect that small government to do anything for you (like create jobs or pay for libraries that educate Glenn Beck). So many candidates seemed to win on platforms of “I want the best of all worlds without paying for it!” Haven’t we learned that doesn’t work?

Apparently not, but I’m still sitting here in Oregon, holding out hope for the next two years.

Dan Savage recently created the It Gets Better Project, an online, social media tool for reaching out to teenagers who are being bullied for being gay, to tell them that it gets better.  In a recent interview with MTV, Savage said, “When a gay teenager commits suicide, it’s because he can’t picture a life for himself that’s filled with joy and family and pleasure…So I felt it was really important that, as gay adults, we show them that our lives are good and happy and healthy and that there’s a life worth sticking around for after high school.”

He and his husband Terry made this video in which they talked about how hard high school was for them, but how wonderful their lives are now:

Since this project started last month, thousands of people have uploaded their own videos to send the same message in their own words. There are even celebrities doing it – everyone from Kathy Griffin to Adam Lambert to President Obama. But one of the coolest ones is this video by the Gay Men’s Chorus of LA:

This is such an amazing project. I just keep thinking that this is why the internet was created – to allow people to connect across all social, economic and physical boundaries so that every single person knows that there’s someone else out there who cares about them. Even if they’ve never met.

Thanks to Alayna for sending me these videos.

1. The Target boycotters weren’t doing a good job of making it clear what exactly they are boycotting.
2. I had a hard time understanding the idea of boycotting a corporation because they support candidates with whom I disagree.

I stand by the first point and partially by the second, but I have a new viewpoint. Before I go into the details, though, I want to thank the people that commented or had conversations with me in person on this topic. I was genuinely interested in hearing other points of view and I really appreciated my friends’ willingness to discuss this with me.

Through these conversations, I found (at least) one flaw in my reasoning. I debated the idea of boycotting a company who makes donations that support a candidate who disagrees with me. If we were talking about fiscal policy, that would be one thing, but in this case we’re talking about basic human rights. And those shouldn’t be debatable.

On NPR the other day, I heard a California voter who voted for Prop 8 saying that he felt it was unfair that one judge was able to negate the voice of the majority of California voters.  I immediately found myself arguing with the radio, saying “It wasn’t that he overturned your law because he disagreed with it.  He overturned it because it was unconstitutional.  Just like any law that forbids Mormon churches would be overturned.  It doesn’t matter if you vote for it.  You can’t pass any law you want in this country – you have to abide by the rules that are our foundation.”

So that’s how I see this now.  Tom Emmer does not support equal rights for all Americans.  That goes against everything I (and we) stand for.  And, Target, by making this donation and declining to make a comparable donation to a gay-rights organization, you have said that you do not support equal rights for all Americans.