It seems counter intuitive, but it’s easier to blog when there aren’t any big things going on in your life. At least that’s been true for me. When life is normal, I can write about the new Kelly Clarkson album or the person I saw walking their electric scooter through the line at Starbucks the other day. Recently, however, there have been so many changes and big events in my life that blogging has been near impossible.

Work has been really tough, which means it’s on my mind constantly. And as we all know, the #1 rule of blogging is that you should never write about your job.

I started seeing someone, too. He’s pretty amazing, to be honest. He’s tall and awkward and funny and wonderful. And he even let me take him home to Montana for the 4th of July… Which is impressive in itself. But I always get a little superstitious when it comes to writing about new relationships.

And last but not least, after four wonderful (completely platonic) years together, my roommate Brian and I are getting a divorce. Our lease is up at the end of July, and we both decided that at the ripe old age of 26, we should probably learn what it feels like to live by ourselves. So off I go into the world of 1-bedroom apartments on the East side, with half of my previous furniture. (Seriously, we even decided to split up the coasters).

So as you can see, I’ve been busy. I’m hoping that things will settle down soon, one way or another, but until then, bear with me. I’ll try to make it worth the wait.

I was getting my hair cut last week when my stylist, Daniel, said, out of the blue, “Do you feel like a grown-up?”

Now, I think of Daniel as an adult. He didn’t go to college (which in my mind means he grew up faster than I did) and has at least ten years on me. He’s a gay, single mama’s boy, but he owns a condo and a new car and lives on his own. I, however, enjoy the occasional bowl of ice cream for dinner, sometimes have to use Kleenex when I run out of toilet paper, and have been known to let the registration on my car lapse.

“Sometimes.” I said. “What about you?”

“Well, I was just standing here thinking about how excited I am to get home tonight and play the new video game I bought this weekend. And then I realized that I’m getting close to 40 years old and I’m excited about a video game,” he giggled.

We laughed and talked about paying bills and staying out late on school nights. But that question really stuck with me. Abby recently asked about growing up and I had so many thoughts I couldn’t narrow them down into something coherent to comment. I’m still sort of in that place, but I’ve made a little progress.

I feel like an adult when I can pay bills without worrying if the check will bounce. When I use my credit card so that I can get the miles, not because I don’t have the money in my checking account, I feel responsible. When crazy things happen, like I have to pay lots of money to get my car to pass DEQ emissions tests or I need to pay the deposit on a new apartment, I can make it work. And that makes me feel self-sufficient and responsible.

I feel grown-up when I can deal with the surprises in life. Someone broke into my car again… At least I know who to call. A boy broke up with me… I’m surrounded by wonderful people. I travel to a foreign country with a national language that I don’t speak… I can handle it. Work puts me in a situation that makes me uncomfortable… I can stand up for myself and do what I know is right. I have a solid foundation of friends, family and love that make me who I am.

On the other hand, I can’t cook. I don’t know the difference between “less than” and “fewer.” I have a hard time following rules like, Eat healthy, Don’t buy things you don’t need,and Always be on time. I think speech impediments and puns are funny. I love terrible pop music. I have a really hard time saying no to anything involving fun. The other day, my boss’ boss at The Foundation caught me in the halls at work riding on a hand truck pushed by a coworker. I am just a few clicks away from believing in the Tooth Fairy and eating Froot Loops for breakfast.

So I think of it sort of like learning the English language; you have to learn the rules so you can break them. I’m grown-up enough to act like a kid if I want to.

Besides, a totally immature 26-year-old would never have credit as good as mine.

I have been in DESPERATE need of a workout routine lately. My energy levels have been low and work has been stressing me out – both of which can be cured (or at least ameliorated) by a little cardio. But instead of starting some sort of routine, what have I done these past few weeks?

- made an awesome workout mix
- looked for an armband for my ipod
- when told my ipod was too old (1.5 years) to have accessories still available in stores, decided to purchase an ipod shuffle
- went to the Nike outlet looking for workout clothes (didn’t find any good ones that were cheap enough)
- purchased an armband to hold my cell phone and keys while I workout
- not worked out once.

I’m hoping that by adding “blogged about my inability to get off my lazy ass” to this list, I will get one step closer to doing just that.

In my own defense (and in order to make excuses), I’d like to list my obstacles here:
- I can’t afford a gym membership.
- I hate running with a fiery passion that burns deep inside.
- My bike doesn’t fit me very well.
- I work late often.
- I am NOT a morning person.

But I do WANT to work out, and I do like the feeling I get afterward… So clearly I should just do it. So, with the Internet as my witness, I’m going to work out tomorrow.

After that? I’m not making any promises. But let’s just start with tomorrow.

(Alternate titles for this post include, “It’s a Long Story” and “I am SO Big Time.”)

I think most people who start blogs have blog-idols. I started my blog because I wanted to be more like the following people:
1. Holly
2. Blythe
3. Abby

Abby and I went to college together and I consider her one of my closest friends. She was the first friend I had that started a blog and I am continually impressed by her writing and insight.

Blythe is actually the woman who let me in to college, which is why I often say that she is responsible for every good thing that happened to me after the age of 18. She also recently moved back to Portland, and I’m proud to say she allows me to occasionally play with her son Theo, the Cutest Toddler Ever. Blythe’s blog is always interesting not just because she’s funny and smart, but because she writes about everything from having a baby in Germany to her memories of growing up in a small town in Montana to what she thought of Natalie Portman’s dress at the Oscars.

Holly is the only one I don’t actually “know” in the traditional sense of the word. She and I don’t actually have much in common, other than we’re both brunettes with blogs who enjoy shopping and board games. She grew up in multiple foreign countries and now lives in an amazingly well-decorated apartment in San Francisco. I grew up in one place (Like one of my favorite T-shirts says, “Missoula, Montana. A place. Sort of.”) and now reside in an apartment where all decorative pieces belong to my roommate except the random paintings I did and the license plates I turned into a coat rack. Holly has a fiance she has been in love with and lived with for years. I’m rockin’ the single life and living with a gay man.

She’s hilarious, though, and I love her stories. Last year, I read about Holly’s attendance at a conference called BlogHer and thought it sounded like a blast. Lots of female bloggers interested in similar things getting together and talking. Great, right? So I looked into this whole BlogHer thing and thought it sounded interesting. I decided I might want to attend the conference someday to see what fascinating things I could learn.

Jump to December, when I was home for the holidays and my mom told me she had talked to her mentor about me. She said she was talking to him about ways to connect with other people who do what she does (of which there are none in Montana). He recommended she start a blog.

So she told him about her daughter who had a blog. And he told her about his daughter who started a company for women who blog.

When she came home, she told me about her meeting and said his daughter was one of the founders of BlogHer. Had I ever heard of it?

It was as if she just told me her mentor was Justin Timberlake’s father.

I couldn’t believe I was separated from one of the founders of BlogHer by only 3 degrees. I immediately got online and decided I would like to support the BlogHer community in any way I could, considering I now felt connected to them in a different way (i.e. we were both somehow related to Montana). I signed up for a bunch of stuff on their website. One of those things was their advertising package. They had a waiting list, so I didn’t anticipate hearing from them anytime soon.

However, I did. And it turns out in order to host their advertisements I had to host my own web page. So you can now find me at megolomaniac.com OR continue to use the old address and it will redirect here. You might also start noticing ads on the right-hand side. Think of them as a way to support my illegal-parking habits.

When I switched my blog over, I had to redesign the site, too. (Sort of a bummer, but I’m getting over it). I don’t know if this is what it will look like forever, so don’t freak out if the scenery changes in a month or two when I have more time and patience to figure out what the hell CSS code is. In the meantime, enjoy the flowers.

Any and all feedback is always appreciated!

Every year about this time I start to lose it. I haven’t seen the sun in months, I completely lack all motivation to do anything athletic, and it’s nearly impossible for me to get out of bed in the morning… or afternoon. For the last month, I’ve been trying to use the SAD lamp my dad gave me every day. I’ve been watching lots of TV from the couch and napping every weekend. I wasn’t blogging very often because nothing interesting was going on… I’d even slipped back into the “Woe-is-me-I’m perpetually-single” mindset, which I had successfully been avoiding for almost 6 months. Basically, it was February.

Enter: Birthday.

I have never felt as loved as I did on Monday, March 2. After all the e-cards, Facebook messages, blog comments, texts, flowers, cards and cupcakes, there was not even a remote corner of my being that didn’t feel like it was overflowing with warmth and love. It was an amazing week, and it’s just what I needed to jump start this insanely busy month. Coming up: lots of work events and working late, St. Patrick’s day with the Plastics (the annual event), a girls’ trip to Vegas for Spring Break ’09, some rousing March Madness basketball and hopefully a Blazers game or two. So, basically, working hard and playing hard for at least a month. Then, (fingers crossed!) sunny weather. Although, I’m not betting on it.

So off I go. Hopefully there will be ample time for blogging my adventures. But in the meantime I wanted to say thank you. Thank you to everyone who helped me get through my slump. Thank you to Ed, Talia and Alex, and Sandy for the beautiful flowers. Thank you to my coworkers for celebrating with me after work. Thank you to Brian and Jess for the cupcakes. Thank you to my book club for meeting on my birthday and celebrating with champagne. Thank you to Amanda for the purple feather boa. Thank you, Dad, for finding a place to email me from Guatemala. Thank you to my brother and my cousins and my aunts and uncles who remembered it was my birthday. Thank you to all my facebook friends and blog followers who sent me messages. Thank you, all. You are, truly, the best thing in my life.

Okay, Internet.

In a little over two weeks, I’m turning 26.  I’m getting used to the idea.  It was hard for a while, because I really felt like I owned 25.  I was so 25 it wasn’t even funny.  But I’m ready for a change, so I’m gearing up.

Anyway, for my 25th birthday, I copied my friend Abby and posted 5 lists of 5 things each about me or my life thus far.  I also asked for comments, and was absolutely amazed at the ones I received. I still read them sometimes if I’m having a bad day or just want to read something wonderful. To be honest, I wouldn’t mind doing a similar list thing for my 26th birthday (I could talk about myself for hours – please note the name of the blog), but 26 is only divisible by 2 and 13, and I don’t particularly want to make 13 lists of 2 things, nor do I think 2 lists of 13 things would be interesting.

So I’m asking for your input.  What should I do for my 26th birthday post?  Anything you can think of that might be moderately interesting?  It doesn’t have to be a list – I could answer a question or discuss something instead… Really, it could be anything.  I just feel like birthdays should be marked.  And since this is my blog, who will mark my birthday here if I don’t?

So bring it on.  You have approximately 16 days to suggest ideas.  Otherwise, get ready to read a list of what I ate that day (probably nothing but cupcakes and beer, and maybe some milk with the cupcakes) or to hear about how much I love sharing a birthday with Dr. Seuss.  (A lot).

There was this weird “chain letter” thing going around facebook where you were supposed to make a list of 25 random things about yourself and then tag 25 people who had to do the same. I got some positive feedback on my list, which is sort of odd when you think about it, but I decided that maybe that meant I should widen my audience. Here they are: 25 things you may or may not know about me.

1. I always tell people the first concert I ever went to was Rascal Flatts and Toby Keith in Tacoma with my friend Amanda, but I actually went to one a few months before in Eugene at Wow Hall that featured the Eyeliners and Yellowcard. Seriously, I feel that Toby Keith is LESS embarrassing.

2. One time I lied to a hairdresser about my hair being naturally curly.

3. Once when I was about 6, my mom lost me for a minute in a department store and found me organizing the umbrella section by color… in rainbow order, naturally.

4. I’m so bad about writing thank you notes that I wrote my last few from high school graduation gifts the day I went to my first college class.

5. Every couple of months I consider going to Unitarian church or finding a synagogue. I never do it.

6. I don’t plan on taking my (future) husband’s last name. If he feels very strongly about it, I’ll open it up for discussion.

7. I tried to pluck my eyebrows once when I was a teenager, but I kept sneezing. So I haven’t done it since.

8. Sometimes I hope I grow up and have a house with lots and lots of bedrooms, only because I love shopping for bedding.

9. I went to the Academy Awards once and had only seen two of the nominated films.

10. In middle school, my friend Nate had a gardner with Tourette’s. We used to hide and giggle at the things he said when he cut their rosebushes.

11. I love pub trivia. It was made for people like me (those who like beer and know stupid random useless shit).

12. I’m from Missoula, Montana and I’ve never seen the movie “A River Runs Through It.”

13. I frequently buy clothing because of how it feels even if it doesn’t fit well or go with anything.

14. I had to stop signing my full name on receipts because my handwriting is getting progressively larger.

15. I think that at any given time I have enough stuff in my car to clothe and entertain me for a matter of days.

16. My name is spelled wrong on my birth certificate, but not on my Social Security card, driver’s license, or passport.

17. My mom pierced my belly button when I was in 8th grade. I kept the piercing until I was a senior in college.

18. I would love to be a floral designer, a translator, or a college professor. I have none of the necessary training for any of those things.

19. The first CD I ever owned was by Miami Sound Machine. The second was Paula Abdul.

20. I have such a hard time admitting when I don’t know things that I’ve never learned how to fix a flat tire.

21. I spent my 21st birthday in a country with a drinking age of 16.

22. A friend and I once made it onto the Jumbotron at a UM football game by making a sign asking the mascot to marry me… er… us.

23. The best job I ever had was choosing the music I played at college basketball games.

24. I got a prom date my junior year in high school the day before the dance.

25. It took me days to come up with these 25 things.

I’m copying Blythe, who’s copying Linda‘s reflective questionnaire. I’m thinking I’ll do this every year like she does. Any suggestions for questions I should add?

1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?

Wow, pretty much everything relating to my job. Worked for a nonprofit in a full-time position? Planned an auction? Been heartwarmed by the work I’m doing?

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I don’t believe I made any new year’s resolutions this year… So I’m doing pretty damned well. And I will definitely be making some for 2009 (coming soon!).

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

My friend Michelle gave birth to an adorable baby boy named Seamus on Christmas day. He turned a week old yesterday!

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Nobody close to me, thank goodness.

5. What countries did you visit?

Canada and Mexico. Yahoo, North America! (This is a HUGE difference from 2007, when work took me to Taiwan, Spain, France, and Japan in addition to my annual Canada trip for fun).

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?

Boots with the fur. To be purchased on Endless shortly…

7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

November 4th. History was made.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Honestly? Making cranberry sauce for Thanksgiving dinner that actually tasted good. I can now cook one thing!

9. What was your biggest failure?

Probably not paying for all of those parking tickets when I had the chance (and the money)!

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Well, I tend to get sick fairly often, but nothing major. I’ve always been pretty lucky that way…

11. What was the best thing you bought?

My wool coat, I think. Or maybe my first Jubelale.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

The Democrats. Way to get your act together. And in an election year, no less.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

Still President Bush and Vice President Satan.

14. Where did most of your money go?

To pay rent for my awesome apartment. But other than that, lots of it went towards my car.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Am I focusing too much on Barack Obama becoming President of the United States?

16. What song will always remind you of 2008?

Low – Flo Rida and T-Pain, Bleeding Love – Leona Lewis, So What – Pink, Rehab – Amy Winehouse, Viva la Vida – Coldplay, Mercy – Duffy, anything by Katy Perry or Taylor Swift, and the Mamma Mia! soundtrack.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:


a) happier or sadder? 
happier
b) thinner or fatter? thinner, but this last week may have changed that…
c) richer or poorer? poorer

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Hanging out outside when it wasn’t raining. Walking by the river and in Forest Park.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Beating myself up. Being negative.

20. Did you fall in love in 2008?

Nope. Fingers crossed for 2009!

21. What was your favorite TV program?

Ooh! Either 30 Rock or So You Think You Can Dance. Those were the ones I started watching this year. Then there’s always The Daily Show, Scrubs, and Boston Legal.

22. What was the best book you read?

I’ve had a pretty long string of bad books, but I did like Three Cups of Tea and Eat, Pray, Love (I’m embarrassed to admit it). Plus I received quite a few books for Christmas that I’m looking forward to reading!

23. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Paramore.

24. What did you want and get?

Brian to stay in Portland.

25. What did you want and not get?

Talia, Alex, and both Bens to stay in Portland.

26. What was your favorite film of this year?

Hmmm… Probably either Wall-E or The Dark Knight.

27. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I turned 25 and did a pub crawl with my friends on N Mississippi Ave.

28. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

A relationship that worked out.

29. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?

Low-maintenance clothing in solid colors. I’m guessing that every year I complete this survey, this answer will be the same.

30. What kept you sane?

My roommate. As always.

31. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

I’m going to go with Jon Stewart on this one. I am so predictable.

32. What political issue stirred you the most?

Usually I’m pretty fired up about abortion rights, but this year healthcare was front and center.

33. Who did you miss?

My family. I can’t get enough of them.

34. Who was the best new person you met?

I’m going to go with either Michelle or Jess from work. Sami’s a close third, too.

35. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.

I have a hard time enjoying the moment when it comes to relationships because I’m too busy worrying about the future. This is not a good thing. I’m working on it.

36. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

Outside you will find
There is love all around you
It takes you, makes you wanna say

That it’s a beautiful life
And it’s a beautiful world
And it’s a beautiful time
To be here, to be here, to be here

- Beautiful Life, by Fisher

The other day, my dad sent this email to my brother and me:

Just headin’ out to SuperWalmart and wondered if you guys want anything for Christmas.

I myself want three things:

a bicycle light — very rudimentary
a book
I forget.

Forward your wishes to this site at your earliest convenience.
Santa

So, I started to jot down things I’d like right now. In the interest of productive brainstorming, I didn’t censor myself or edit my thoughts at all. This is what I wrote:

Oil leak fixed*
Socks
Curtains for closet door
Shelf for bathroom
Bras
Hat I saw at Target last week

And that was all I could think of. When I looked back at the list, I realized how pathetic it was. I am actually at the point in my life where I put undergarments on my wish list. I mean, most of it has to do with the fact that I’m spending upwards of $1200 to fix my damned car and another several hundred dollars to see loved ones over the holidays, so spending another $40 on socks or $50 on bras just doesn’t seem fun, exciting, or necessary. But let’s get serious. A girl needs socks that she can wear to work without being embarrassed.

I was so humiliated that this is what my life had come to, I decided to take matters into my own hands. So I went to Target and bought that hat and about $40 worth of socks. Did I have the money to spare? Probably not. But I’m slowly learning what it means to be a grown up.

Happy Holidays, Mego. I bought you some socks and a hat.

* This has been the latest drama in my life. I took my car into the shop to get the oil leak fixed and was told I needed about $80 in parts and over $1,000 in labor. Some may say I should have just junked the thing and purchased a new one, but I don’t really have enough money to get a good car without having car payments, and just typing the term “car payment” made me shudder. (Note: Alex, I don’t want to hear anything from you on this subject. You have made your opinion known.)

If there’s anything I’ve learned from this long weekend with my friends, it’s that it’ll never be enough. After lots of brunch dates, happy hours, dinners, beers, laughs and photos, I realize that I can never get enough of these people. As I “grow up,” I try to live in the moment as much as I can, and I have been doing a pretty damn good job. I’ve loved every minute (and it’s not over yet!). I’ve tried to take as many pictures as possible so I can remember it until we’re all together again, whenever that may be. It will always feel like something’s missing, though, because I’ll always know they have to leave at some point. It’s sort of the way I feel when I leave home after a visit – like I’m conflicted by loving two places or things so much. How can I possibly want to stay here in Portland when my friends are spread everywhere from the Oregon Coast to Chicago? I love them all so much I can hardly stand it. They are my second family. My peri-family, as my mom would say. We fight like siblings, we make up and laugh, and then we say see you soon, not knowing for sure how long it will actually be. These people know me better than just about anyone in the world, and yet I want to spend MORE time with them. They accept me for who I am, even when I’m sick or tired or cranky. And they deal with me when I’m unreasonable. I can’t think of a more appropriate holiday weekend to spend with them.

I love you all. And I will never get enough of you.
Mego